Teacher Arrested in New York

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International Airport as he attempted to board a flight in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

“Al-Gebra is a problem for us”, the Attorney General said. “They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country.”

“If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction,   he would have given us more fingers and toes,” President Obama commented in the morning press conference.

For his comments, it’s now widely expected the President will win the Nobel Prize for Physics.